Dear Dads

Dear Dads,
I am a doula. I'm not here to replace you, and I'm not here to tell you what to do. Think of me as a temporary extension to your family; a guide and an expansion of support for you and your partner.

I know it seems like you don't know me well right now, but over the course of your partners pregnancy you will have the opportunity to get to know me better. Your partner and I already have a connection and over time it will flourish and grow.

The birth of your baby is an incredible time, it brings a different kind of closeness to you and your partner. The way you look at her in labour will change the way you see her for ever more. I can help you keep that closeness by protecting the birth space so you don't need to.

Whilst you are both learning the dance of birth, holding each other, resting your eyes together and enjoying the intimate closeness, I'll disappear. I'll keep myself busy until I'm needed, if at all. I don't need looking after. Enjoy this time, it's powerful, and it's all yours.

I know that it can be hard for you to watch her catch her breath with each surge, I know it's hard to listen to her tell you she can't do it anymore. You want to keep her comfortable, but something that helped half an hour ago now ceases to work and it's hard to guess what she needs. I can show you where to rub her back, I can guide you in what to say, or I can sway with her whilst you stop, make yourself a cup of tea and re-connect.

When her labour progresses and she hits transition, the intensity in the room is thick and she may no longer be able to reassure you that she is ok. But I can, my calmness is soothing and in one look I can let you know that your baby's arrival is close.

As your baby is born I'll protect your birth bubble. You and your partner are meeting this small being for the first time, the two of you are now a three. All those emotions you've felt since that first twinge have come to a head and it's a feeling you can't begin to explain. You won't get this moment back again, I'm here so you can soak it up and savour it undisturbed.

The early weeks are a time of joy, and pride. The hazy sleepless nights have a sweetness to them, sharing these moments with your partner whilst the rest of the world sleeps. The lazy days are fuelled by tea and the smell of freshly delivered flowers. Rest together, let me support your new family at home. I'll bring you a hot meal, empty the dishwasher and whizz the hoover round. Get to know your new family.

Dear Dads, I am your doula. I'm not here to replace you, and I'm not here to tell you what to do. Think of me as a temporary extension to your family; a guide and an expansion of support for your new tribe.