One Year On

My sister announced the other day that she felt that having babies had ‘broken me’. I was confused by this as I genuinely have been ‘broken’ from having kids, in a citalopram/ CBT/ regular questionnaire at the GP kinda way, so I asked her to elaborate.

‘You know, you’re all ‘’essential oil-y, placenta-ey, birth-y and stuff.’’

‘Soooooo……You mean amazing?’

*eye roll

I have always been a bit ‘out there’ for my family – I’m the black sheep, and my choice of career is certainly up there with the ‘unusual’ topics covered between my mum and my sister (feminism, moon-cups, weird older boyfriends, breeding llamas….I could go on.) But, my choice of career has changed my life in incredible ways, after the birth of my second son my passion was unlocked and I embarked on an intense journey that I’m insanely passionate about.

To celebrate World Doula Week, and the 1st anniversary of my doula course, I decided to write a list of a few things I have learnt about one year in;

When clients don’t choose you, it’s for the best. And don’t feel bad telling us we aren’t right for you, we know a good match is paramount.

A great doula is kind, honest, open, generous and compassionate. There’s no place for competition in the doula community.

Don’t hold back. Spread the passion, the love and your positive voice.

Children present at a birth is one of the most incredible things you can witness.

Sometimes when a mother is 5cm dilated, she’s seconds away from birth.

Sometimes syphoning the used water from a birth pool is necessary to get ‘the flow going’.

The importance of a tribe. Some of the best friends I have are breastfeeding counsellors, placenta encapsulators, midwives, and therapists. We eat good food, talk birth and watch our small people grow in their own tribes.

The girl-crushes of Instagram.

Midwives question the ingredients in your raw cheesecake. ‘There isn’t breastmilk or placenta in this is there?’

Being ‘on call’ is hard work. It’s so so much more than checking your phone every couple of minutes.

Unconditional support from your partner is really important. Sometimes you just need to be held whilst you cry it out.

The silence of the room when a woman stops contracting because her adrenaline has rocketed.

When your camera roll is full of pictures of vaginal breech births, doula memes, statistics and literature you’ve found on Google and breastfeeding selfies.

Being an admin on a Mum To Be Facebook group is hard work and very time consuming. But watching women support each other, make informed choices and learn from each other makes it totally worth it.

Ensure that your partner doesn’t lock you out the house when you’re at a birth. Arriving home at 4am after supporting for 16 hours and having to sleep in your car is not cool.

My boys are growing up in a world where birth is exciting, breastfeeding is normal, food is nutritional, and women are strong. And that's amazing.

My life will never be the same again.